One year.

I have spent about one year since that incident had happened.
I thought I could handle everything around me, yet I couldn't.
I was too young to decide all things, yet maybe it was fate.
My god is asking me or waiting for me to understand one step by step.
One year ago, I trusted one god but it seemed to challenge me.
I wrote blog for it, but now it seems weird so I keep up them in my heart.
One year is enough to loose everything I had, and of course get older.
My life style changed; again it feels like loosing full one year for nothing.
However, my life goes on ever.

I have a lot of things to tell you but it's difficult to sum up this one year.
Please give me a time to tell ya or I might not tell you ever.

Anyhow, I get started to write up blog again in English.
I don't know why...Maybe I don't want to loose anymore I had.
English is one of them. I will seek myself again slowly...


Merry Christmas!!

Home

Home is the best place where we can relax. It makes me weaker than any other places with no reason. I always feel like the cloud floating in the sky.

Why????


Maybe, home knows everything, what I'd thought, done and made since I was born. Additionally, it protects us from the natural disaster. Also, it owns my family. It helps us to make a band between us no matter how irritated or sad our feeling are. Home is a part of our family history. Probably, it is alive, has a heart and mind. it may talk with us. However I didn't listen to it. That's why my mind is going somewhere I can't catch. Feels like I'm lost even though I'm safe. No wonder, I have no energy to do something C'z I can not refuse it. As we are altogether, it is called synergy.


Yeah, I didn't talk with my home yet....
Hum....let me start with chit-chat....

If I had...., what would I have...??

I'm going to driving school every day, and I'm seeing a lot of high school students talking with friends and going home. Just four years ago, but it's kind of long time ago. At least I can't go back to that time.

Why couldn't I be friendly more?
Why couldn't I try anything more?

No doubt, I don't feel bad about what I've done in those days.
However, just my curiosities shake my head with the big question.

If I hadn't gone abroad, what would I have...???

Yeah, I know I shouldn't ask non-answer question.
Maybe am I lonely? not satisfied with my life enough??
Hum That's too bad even though I've done what I wanted...

The past

I came back to Osaka two weeks ago.
I'll be here for two more months during the summer vacations.
Yeah, of course I've been happy to see my family and eat Japanese food.
However, feels like back to the past when I was in Japan.
and these memories left just only chagrin.

I was self-center when I was in Japan. I thought I could have hands to control everything in the world even though I was just only one kind of human being. Besides, I didn't know anything in the world at that time. Maybe, I've grown up for this four years C'z I realized that.

One more past comes to me...
Yes, High school life's memory is unforgettable for everyone. Some people blossomed all high school life. But also, some people rusted high school life. When I was at grade eleven, I was bullied among classmates (feels like all students). Everyone didn't know my feeling; in deed, maybe they knew it but I was just ignorant. Finally I decided to make no friends at high school C'z I was more happy to belieive myself than trust bullying classmates. I thought they wouldn't be good friends anyway. It was right...but probably I lost good friends at the same time.

Recently, one question has stuck on me...

why did I do that???

It was a gift, given by the personal god, to build up my personalities.
Or just I was too young to be mature. (We have to make mistakes a lot.)


Let me think more....



one thing I know...
the past never changes but the future wills in order to change the presence.

(Mr/Mrs/Miss) English

English is one kind of brain sports.

I've been in Canada for a long time, but longer staying feels need my English with much more brushness. We learned once even perfectly doesn't mean a gold medalist. I have to practice and practice in facing situations every moment unless I am a gold medalist. (maybe even the gold medalist keeps it up!!)



English is like a person.

There are a lot of given opportunities as like as making friends. they don't care how much I made mistakes, instead they will just make distance a little bit. So I have to notice that and consider what I should do the next time.

However, they come to us if I treat with them in a certain way. After I take a lot of time and close to them, we can make unforgettable memories. We can laugh together, sometimes share with good time and bad time.

All in all, we will fill with glee for good no matter how we are at difficult period.




English is fun!!

Good life

Are you having a good life?
I was kind of wondering if I have or not.
Merely, everyone has a wonderful definition of "GOOD LIFE".

It might be having a good family, friends around you and enough money to spend on what you want.

Certainly, I agree with them, but my good life is not as unique as "Eternal life", but just a little bit more than normal.

I don't get somehow what I expected in the past, this point...I can say "No".
However, I've been challenging something new, I can say "Yes" at this rate.

In personal,
What's point is it can say "I'm having a good life" unless I'm self-going without any dream and hope.
What's more I can say....keep up with open mind and my best.

Founder effect

Focus on one thing is good; but it's also risky.
We are getting something new instead of loosing something.
what's gonna happen if the one thing must be lost sometime?

We should broaden what I can do or better my capacities.
Keep working harder than I can do or I am working.

Merely, one of variable experiences will find a tunnel for the next step, and just step on it when it is mature. Then, willingly find what I hadn't seen.
That's my evolution. Haha.